A Party at Cid's
by Fanfics75
Summary: All I have to say: NOT A TIFA FAN STORY!


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Author Note: Look everyone I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. I do believe somebody put something in the pop I was drinking J . Just to let you know, I'm not exactly fond of Tifa (I truly think she's a slut.) So this story _really_ bashes Tifa. Don't flame me for that because… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Enjoy this screwed up story and flame away for the crappy, pointless storyline but not for the Tifa bashing. Hee Hee Hee I musta been really out of my mind to write this… J

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'setting'

thoughts 

(actions)

* sound effcts *

"time change"

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A Party At Cid's

'Cid is sitting in a chair lighting a cigarette. Shera is cleaning up and watching out the window'

Cid: Shera! Where the hell is my tea?!?!?!

Shera: I can't get it right now, everyone's going to be here in twenty minutes.

Cid: (Mumbling to himself) Damn! Doesn't she know I can't make my own tea?!

* Ding Dong *

Shera: (Looking at her watch) Oh no! My watch stopped! (she runs to open the door) Hi Cloud!

Cloud: Hey Shera. Hey Cid.

Cid: Hey Spike!

Cloud: Didn't I tell ya not to call me that?

Cid: So what? Since when have I ever listened to what you say?

Cloud: (fuming) Never! That's the problem! (He throws himself on the couch)

* Ding Dong * 

Shera: (Opening the door) Hi Tifa!

Tifa: Hey Shera. Hey Cid. (She smiles and waves) Hi Cloud.

Cloud: (Grunts) I can't stand her. She's so… oh there aren't words for it…

Tifa: (Sits on couch next to Cloud) So how are you?

Cloud: (shrugs) Okay… Please someone else show up

* Ding Dong *

Cloud: Thank you!

Shera: (Opening door) Hi Aeris!

Aeris: Hi Shera (hugs her) long time no see! (Walks around saying hello to everyone) Hi Cloud!

Cloud: Someone up there _really _likes me Hi Aeris! (He moves away from Tifa to make room for Aeris)

* Ding Dong *

Shera: (opening the door… again…) Hey guys!

Vincent: Hi.

(Barret, Reeve, and Nanaki follow him in each mumbling a greeting)

Yuffie: Wait a second I'm here too! (Runs in after Nanaki, tripping over him) You stupid mutt!

Nanaki: I really hope you aren't speaking to me Yuffie.

Yuffie: No I was talkin' to Barret! You really are- (looks up and sees Vincent) eep!

Nanaki: (looks to where Yuffie is staring and whispers to Yuffie) You ever call me a stupid mutt I'm going to tell Vincent a certain secret I have just figured out.

Yuffie: Eeeep!

Shera: (walking over to the radio) lets listen to some music. 

(Swing music blares out of the radio)

Cloud: (quickly) Aeris you wanna dance?

Aeris: I don't know how.

Tifa: I d-

Cloud: I'll teach you. Plllllleeeaaaassssseeeeeee!

Aeris: (glances at fuming Tifa) Okay! (Follows Cloud)

Tifa: That's how he wants to play… Barret wanna dance?

Barret: No.

Tifa: Why?

Barret: I don' dance.

Tifa: Please!

Barret: If I don't she'll pester me all night… worse than Marlene when she wants something Fine.

Tifa: Yay! (drags Barret with her)

Cloud: For someone who doesn't know how to swing dance you're sure good at it! 

Aeris: Well to tell ya the truth I just wanted to make Tifa mad. It worked. (Looks to where Tifa is still glaring a the two)

"An HoUr LaTeR"

'Cloud is talking to Aeris in a corner. Tifa is glaring at them over Barret's shoulder. Cid is still sitting in a chair smoking a cigarette. Yuffie is staring at Vincent (who isn't doing anything) and sighing in a love-sick way. Nanaki laughs and she hits him over the head. Reeve is just sitting back watchin the whole thing. Shera shakes her head.) 

Shera: Hey Girls lets leave the guys alone for a while and go talk in the back room… (walks back with Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie following her)

Cid: (looking down the hall) Finally! (walks over to a cabinet and unlocks it) Now the fun starts. (passes alcohol around.)

Cloud: Yes!

"HaLf An HoUr LaTeR"

Barret: So I tells him I don't give a damn how much it costs I'm Barret Wallace and I saved your ass from Sephiroth an' Shinra! 

(Everyone laughs drunkenly)

Cloud: Hey what happened to the girls?

Cid: I dunno… SHERA! WHERE THE HELL ARE YA?!

Shera: (Running into the room) What's wrong?

Cid: I just wanted to tell ya (stands up and walks up to Shera) You (leans in close) are a swell girl. I mean Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie, they are swell guys… but you are a swell girl. I have never met a sweller girl.

(Aeris, Tifa, and Yuffie walk to the door unknown to everyone else)

Cloud: Hey! Aeris is not a guy. She is the prettest, sexiest (uses his hands to make a curvy female figure in the air) girl I have ever met. Now Yuffie I don't think she's a he. In fact I am almost certain of it. Tifa, I think, Tifa is a guy! I think she had the "operation" and now she _looks_ like a girl. But geez her jugs are wayyyyyyyyyyy toooo big to be real.

Nanaki: (looking up and seeing Yuffie in the doorway) Hey Vincent! Guess what!

Vincent: (looking up) What? 

Nanaki: Yuffie has a thing fer you! (laughs as Yuffie turns bright red)

Vincent: Kewl! I think she's hot! I mean that whole turtle neck thing is such a turn on!

Reeve: Well I don' give a damn what Cloud said Tifa is DEFINITELY a woman. I think she's way hot! (Sees the embarresed girls) Hey look they're all here!

(All the girl are crimson and Tifa is still fuming.)

Vincent: (Walking over to Yuffie unsteadily) You got a thing fer me huh? I think that's is great! You are the hottest thing on two legs. (Kisses her full on the lips)

(All the guys cheer as Vincent continues to kiss her)

Yuffie: You are way drunk aren't you!

Vincent: I only had (Holds up eight fingers) six glasses of vodka! I ain't that drunk… yet! 

Yuffie: (nods) right. Come on I'm going to take you home. (pulls Vincent through the door)

Reeve: Bye Vince! (Gets up and swaggers over to Tifa) so are you going to take me home too? I am WAY drunker then he is!

Tifa: (putting a hand on his shoulder) Sure I'll take you home. Come on! hell Cloud doesn't want me…

Cloud: Reeve I never woulda guessed you were into men!

Tifa: You asshole! (Jumps on the couch and starts beating the crap out of him)

Reeve: (Pulling Tifa off of Cloud) Come on let's go! (drags Tifa outside)

Barret: Nanaki looks like the party's breakin' up… you wanna go find a bar?

Nanaki: Sure! (They both leave)

Cid: I'm comin' with!

Cloud: Count me in too!

Shera and Aeris: No you're not!

Cloud: Awwwww

Cid: Pul-ease!

Shera: No now go to bed! (Cid walks out)

Aeris: Can Cloud and I crash here tonight? I don't think he could walk home and I don't wanna leave him. He'll need help in the morning.

Shera: Sure. G'night! (Walks into her bedroom) CID I MEANT YOUR ROOM NOT MINE!

Cloud: (Snickering) 

Aeris: You are going to have one heck of a hangover tomorrow.

Cloud: (Standing unsteadily) You wanna know sumthin'? You really should swear! You have never sworn before in your life and that's funny!

Aeris: (in an annoyed voice) No Cloud. Now go lay down on the couch.

Cloud: Yes'm (falls over the back of the couch)

Aeris: Now go to-

Cloud: ZzZzZzZzZzZz

Aeris: Good (Lays down on another couch)

Cloud: (opens his eyes and giggles then closes them quickly)

Aeris: Cloud…

Cloud: (Does it again)

Aeris: Cloud!

Cloud: (Does it again)

Aeris: CLOUD!

Cloud: (Does it again)

Aeris: Dammit Cloud! (Hits him over the head with the princess guard)

Shera: I THOUGHT I SAID GET OUT!

Cid: I THOUGHT I SAID NO!

Aeris: Oh Shera! I think I can help you!

~The End~

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Author Note: Look I told you it was pretty messed up! If people _actually_ enjoyed this I'll write another even more screwed up one about the morning after… hee hee hee… Bye y'all!

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